Trouble at the mill

The Chad's second assistant called me in the middle of the night with an urgent request for a series of potent one-liners the Chad could deliver during the course of an agency meeting scheduled for tomorrow. It sounds like there's trouble at the mill. Here are my suggestions:

Isn't it great that we could all be here today?

Let's make Q1 the beginning rather than the end.

Sometimes the hardest thing is to ignore the experts, but I see that we are managing it here today.

Would anyone here like to access my Monster.com account?

We can only hope this isn't an irreversible trend.

Let's not allow anything other than fear or common sense to deter us.

What we've got here is failure to communicate (with respects to Donn Pearce).

Did anyone bring doughnuts?

As the Captain of the Titanic said, "Steady as she goes."

Ferrari GTO

I missed out on an extraordinary event this past week which occurred in Sonoma, California. Twenty-one of the entire production run of thirty-three Ferrari GTOs were brought together by Jean Berchon of Moët et Chandon celebrating the model's forty-fifth anniversary. It was an unusual gathering of cars valued at $18 million each in financial terms and of inestimable value in every other respect.

What has this got to do with life in a (junior) suite au septième étage? As it happens, I used to own one of the thirty-three. In fact, it served as my daily transportation for a number of years, which didn't deter me from entering informal racing events with it. Its three-litre V12 made noises that were primally exciting. Owning this car when I did was tantamount to having Brigitte Bardot as your girlfriend while you made your way from teenager to adult. It rather accelerated the process, you might say, and set very high standards indeed for the future.

I was speaking this morning with an old friend who used to own the famous Ferrari 'Breadvan'. Not too long ago, he was asked if he'd like to drive the car again. His answer was, "Only if I can crash it." Those who know Matthew understand full well the significance of his statement. It does tend to underscore the fact that current and future owners will never have the sort of experiences we enjoyed with these cars. Not that I wouldn't trade places with any of them!

Johnny Hallyday

According to Le Figaro, Johnny Hallyday "will remain French". I wonder if I could try that.

L'Avocat de la terreur

I watched with fascination Barbet Schroeder's documentary L'Avocat de la terreur (Terror's Advocate) which profiles the controversial French lawyer Jacques Vergès. His client list includes Djamila Bouhired, Pol Pot, Mao Zedong, Klaus Barbie, Illich Ramirez Sanchez (the Venezuelan who became known as Carlos the Jackal), Islamist terrorist Khaled Kelkal and Slobodan Milosevic. Asked if he would defend Hitler, Vergès answers, "I said I'd even defend Bush. But only if he would plead guilty."

As important as the declarations made in this document are, what is left unsaid to be read between the lines is monumental in its scope. Vergès' silences are as eloquent as his well-spoken clarifications. One wonders how Vergès managed to survive if he were merely a lawyer using his position and skills to advance or protect the causes that were dear to him. Such a man would make an obvious target for revenge or nullification, would he not?

As I watch Vergès and listen to his offerings, the last thing I take him to be is a hard-working attorney doing his best. What presents itself to me is a confident, extremely capable advocate who has been given carte blanche for the purpose of asset management on behalf of clients who cannot always intervene directly for fear of public exposure.

And as long as we are on the subject, I suggest to President Bush that there is no need, really, to keep all the Black Sites around the world shrouded in secrecy. I think it has been adequately demonstrated that the American public does not care about what is going on at these sites. There is precedent that could lead us to conclude that the public might even be interested in subscribing on a pay-per-view basis to be able to watch the torture occurring at these sites (see Rome, Ancient). These revenues could be used to offset the cost of "The War on Terror" while eliminating the need for costly arrangements intended to maintain the secrecy of Black Site activities.

Nicolas Sarkozy and Cécilia

Le Président Nicolas Sarkozy and Cécilia have made it official. Their divorce should not come as a surprise to any of us. After Sid and Nancy failed to make a go of it, what chance did the rest of us have?

I, for one, wish him well. I know the stress and strain of trying to please a disconsolate woman who cannot find satisfaction with the best things in life. I'm told the kitchen staff downstairs still recount the story of Désespérée sending back her morning coffee time and again along with primer notes on how it should be done. It is now part of the hotel's legacy to be passed on to each new member of the le service de la cuisine.

Vince McMahon & the WWE

You've got to hand it to Vince McMahon and his World Wrestling Entertainment. He has created a brand that has grown in popularity and value beyond all expectation and serves as a lesson to us all what an enterprising individual can accomplish. His wrestling bouts feature characters created as icons that are alternatingly seductive and repugnant whose function is to keep the audience riled up, at odds with one another and in a frenzy over what is, in fact, a scripted outcome. I'm guessing he modeled the whole show after the Republicans and Democrats.

That our political system operates on the same basis as the WWE, with scripted controversies and purportedly adversarial parties, using icons that are alternatingly seductive and repugnant whose function is to keep the electorate riled up, at odds with one another and in a frenzy over what is, in fact, a scripted outcome is evident. Should there be the slightest doubt about this, notice how the Democrats have generously continued funding the war in Iraq, all the while denouncing it. They sound like "Stone Cold" Steve Austin railing against Tazz giving the appearance of an actual conflict.

It doesn't matter which of Vince McMahon's icons wins a match; it is always to the benefit of the WWE. In the same manner, the Republicans and Democrats offer us the opportunity, at every turn, to elect a candidate representative of the CFR. Yes, the Council on Foreign Relations and their clients have been well served by Republicans and Democrats alike.

Nobel peace prize to Al Gore

On behalf of ACME Industrial Blast Furnaces (serving the batch furnace needs of the Third World), I would like to congratulate Al Gore on his Nobel peace prize and applaud his donation of the cash award to the Alliance for Climate Protection. In the same spirit, ACME Industrial Blast Furnaces (Pre-green technology for the rapid development of industrial interests in the Third World) has vowed to plant a symblic flower in the shipbreaking yards of Bangladesh.