Biliously Green

I am as green as the next fellow. I have long since refrained from throwing trash from my car as I speed along. I have even stopped telling the joke about the factory worker who dropped his tuna sandwich in a vat of mercury thus contaminating an entire supply. I applaud those who compost though it is frowned upon here in my (junior) suite. I take pains to separate one thing from another when I find myself a guest in someone's chateau or country house. I, like the Dude, abide.

I have grown weary, however, of having to submit to lectures given by elitists flying around the world in their private jets on how I am ruining the planet. Surely there is a limit on how many tax exempt brow beatings we must endure. What I am saying is simply this: Can we not move along to the immediate imposition of a global carbon tax and skip the rest of the constituency preparation and softening up? That, surely, is the game plan after all is said and done. Then, as we did after the "oil crisis" of the mid-seventies, we can go back to our natural inclinations without further ado--much as we did.

I love the planet in spite of the fact that it has killed each and every one of my antecedents. The planet will go on killing us regardless of our efforts to befriend it. Can you say Stockholm syndrome?