Paper or plastic?

I had a nightmare last night that has me bouleversé. I was back in Los Angeles.

If that weren't enough, I was standing in line at a supermarket check-out. Everyone was being asked if they wanted paper or plastic bags for their groceries. It was clear that plastic was the politically correct selection. All the Volvo drivers and Eddie Bauer adherents made their plastic preference known sufficiently alto voce so as to declare their sensitivity to the issue for all to hear and, perhaps, to warn others that they had better make the same selection.

When it came my turn to announce a selection, all eyes were upon me. "Both," I said, to which the incredulous bag person replied, "What did you say?" She had heard me and wanted to make certain that everyone else did as well.

"Kindly double bag my groceries with paper and plastic, and be quick about it," I repeated so as to oblige her.

You see, I love trees and the Earth, too, for that matter though it is killing off every last one of us in spite of our best efforts to befriend it--her. But I also love our children serving and dying in the armed forces so that we may have liberal access to petroleum products at popular prices. A preference for plastic bags puts more emphasis on the need for those products, which keeps our kids in harm's way. So, being that I am unwilling to make the 'Sophie's Choice' between savaging the trees and increasing our need for petroleum, I default to the double bag selection.

The nightmare is that there isn't any selection that will make things better.